Just over the past ten minutes, I have realized that I am completely and utterly bored with my life. Whether that is something that has been chronically building up or is suddenly appearing in my life, I am really rather frustrated by it.
One of the many journeys I have taken throughout my life has been one in search of purpose. I’ve found that the people who naturally possess purpose in their lives are typically very lucky or self-deluded. As a person who tends to follow existentialism to some degree, I’ve never been able to simply “have” a purpose. It has always been something that I create given the circumstances in my life.
For one reason or another, a lot of my purpose has fallen away, or at the very least it has been forced to take a backseat to… nothingness.
Schoolwork has typically been something which I am naturally good at. Here and there I find challenges, but usually it’s pretty much a breeze for me. Now, however, it seems that there is no challenge whatsoever to me. There is no challenge. It’s all just a routine. I know where the answers are, so it’s just like “knowing” the information. Just as easy, at least. Work is usually monotonous. The same thing day in and day out.
Part of my restlessness is certainly from the fact that I know I am fully capable of skipping around various parts of “the system,” but I feel like there is something else. Purpose is something that we all seem to struggle with in our comfortable Western lifestyles. Some of us have it handed to us, but I think it would be most accurate to liken it to the statement that ignorance is bliss. When we actually begin to think about our purpose, we realize that we are completely and utterly lost. Only through the context of our own lives, our own endeavors, and our own friends and family can we actually create a purpose. From where else could anything so intensely valuable be derived?